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Bloomer & Keogh Investigate spacer Issue 10
Bloomer and Keogh Investigate
Wisdom And Idiocy - The Urban Olympics
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The other night we met a curious man who wanted our help; he was lost and did not know how to find the train station. We happily offered to help as we were going that way. It soon became apparent that he was suffering from the stupids when he repeatedly asked for directions to where we were already taking him. Imagine our surprise when he decided we were taking him the wrong way and offered to cut our throats. At this point we restricted our services and bid him on his way. This human could not be helped, he seemed to have smoked too much crack and his social skills were letting him down.
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Ashamedly we did entertain the idea of making him swim to the station. We soon rejected this frivolous thought from our minds as we had recently negotiated this particular stretch of water on a deflating bouncy castle and decided that nature had not equipped him the necessary skills to survive in even the most forgiving of environments.
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UP ON MANSLAUGHTER CHARGES
FOR DROWNING A MUPPET.
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I suppose it would make a good headline but it would be a bad situation. You know when you get preoccupied by worse case scenarios.
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A couple of weeks ago I was standing behind someone in the tube station, they were standing right at the edge of the platform looking really edgy. I really thought he might jump. What if he jumped, you went to grab him but didn't get a good hold and he went, but what the people standing by saw was you pushing him. Oh dear. But then sometimes you imagine hero scenarios like having to dive out in front of a car to save a baby in its pram that's rolled out from the entrance of Dunne's stores. I'm sure there are people who engineer these situations to get on 999 lifesavers rescue: Recounting in great detail how Tommy's Raleigh Burner brakes had failed on a steep hill that Sammy and him often race on - causing him to lose control and ride off a cliff only to be saved by a rocky outcrop. Even though the temperatures were approaching freezing Sammy fashioned a rope out of his own cloths and risked life and limb to get in a situation where he also needed rescuing. Now come on Sammy ye bad article, those cables were new.
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Wisdom:
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It's great to be allowed to write about wisdom - until it had to be pointed out to me that I had spelt idiocy wrong. I don't really know what wisdom is. I suppose it's because it fluctuates and changes depending on a lot of situations and view points. It's a funny old word and I'm not to sure what to make of it, maybe this is because it's been abused so much. In Glastonbury town or parts of India favoured by idiots you can become wise by wrapping your balls up with a chain and decorating yourself like a Christmas tree. I can't help associating the word wisdom with magic, cosmic-ness and fantasy, but I better not get started on that or I'll be spitting and swearing all night and end up making libellous remarks about Terry Pratchett. I was thinking the other day about the confusion often made between intelligence and a good memory. Big offenders of this are aptitude tests, IQ tests, GCSEs and a lot of the general secondary school curriculum. This can sometimes be damaging to both people with bad memories and people with particularly good memories. It does nobody any favours to label a person as stupid for having a bad memory and on the other end of things labelling someone as being particularly clever for being able to memorise facts can burden them with unwanted pressure or help create delusions of grandeur, which can only lead to disappointment. I'm sure that absorbing information without understanding it can be dangerous.
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I've thought of a test which would be a good all-rounder at GCSE time, or earlier. Put people in a big hole and see: Who can get out. Who has made friends with people who can get them out. Who can buy themselves or bargain their way out. Who ends up stuck down there having meetings, delegating and asking for extra paper.
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It gives me great pleasure at this ceremony to award you with GCSE woodwork. It has also not gone unnoticed that you have excelled in getting out of holes and we congratulate you on making seven hundred and fifty pound in one hour as part of your enterprising business skills during this exam. We also recognise your exceptional talent for lighting fires but regret to have to ask you not to come back.
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Events part of the Bristol Summer Games,
Urban Olympics 2003:

For three days highly trained athletes, explorers, infiltrators, climbers and trouble makers from around the globe gatherd for some healthy competition and good clean fun.
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Bloomer and Keogh Investigate - The Urban Olympics
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The Stone Throwing Event:
Twenteenth century vs meinebank. This stone throwing event combines ingenuity with foraging and neanderthal skills.
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Bloomer and Keogh Investigate - The Urban Olympics
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Raft Build And River Crossing:
For this event rotor 01 are using a design utilising motorway barriers. In the picture you can see one section of a modular design. The sections, when repeated, can be used individually or lock together like Lego to created a larger and much more stable raft capable of accomodating a lot of people. Similar designs have been used in the past for successful border crossings. Tatterdandelion are using a deflating children's bouncy castle.
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Bloomer and Keogh Investigate - The Urban Olympics
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The Shopping Bike Duel Slalom:
In this chalenge of speed and skill points were deducted for loss or damage to shopping.
(Above: tatterdandelion vs a2r2)
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